Are you holding on when you need to let go?

When I feel like I'm losing control, my instincts tell me to hold on to what I can salvage.

That lesson was made super clear during my move 2 years ago. In 2017 I went through a soul crushing breakup. I had been so sure he was my person. We had our future planned out, but in my head I had all the details. What my days would look like. The way I wanted my business to grow. Where we would live. The trips we'd take. Our kids. He was a huge part of every piece of my future.

Then, the person who I had planned my entire life with, cheated on me. I stood by him through A LOT, but cheating is my deal-breaker. There's no coming back from that, so I sold most of my things and moved in with my mom.

It was hard. I've had break-ups before, but never one where I couldn't support myself anymore.

I knew I couldn't stay where I was, and leaving meant I couldn't bring all my stuff. There wasn't room. I loved my stuff. I fucking worked hard for my things and this was the first time I wasn't just losing a person, I was losing my home. 

I didn't even have time to mourn 1 loss before I had to get rid of my things(which felt like I was losing my identity).

I rented a container that could hold about a room and a half. A LOT less than what I had. My mom came down and helped me pack. In under a month, I found out my relationship was over, decided to move & had to have the majority of my stuff gone.

I went from, knowing things were stressed to feeling like I was losing everything that mattered to me.

I knew I was keeping my kitchen stuff. Cooking is my thing, it makes me feel like me (I have a ton of kitchen stuff). I also kept my office stuff, tvs, and most of my bedroom furniture. These were non-negotiable.

I had limited space. Living room furniture, guest room everything, bookshelves, books, movies, art, shoes, purses, clothes and a bunch of things I can't even remember anymore were sold, donated, or given away.

Some of it was easy to get rid of. SOME. Most of it I was desperately clinging to.

I have to give my mom credit, I was a bitch during this process. Pretty sure that's not strong enough of a word. I fought tooth & nail to keep things that now I wonder what the fuck I was thinking.

When things get scary, unsure or begin to fall apart most people's reaction is to cling tightly to something that gives them security.

We cling to jobs, relationships, things, and stories in an effort  to create a feeling of safety. When everything is unknown, having the familiar makes you feel better. 

​Next time you feel yourself working your ass off to hold onto something ask yourself this one question....

What does keeping ____ in my life do for ME?

If the answer doesn't have something to do with the thing making you happy, it's time to let it go!

A lot of answers, and feelings, might come up. This is more a probably than a might.

It can feel hard to let things go in the moment, but it won't matter to you as much later on. If you're not ready, you can start by putting the item away & getting rid of it when you're ready. 

Now I'm in a new place & I've replaced most of the things I fought so hard to bring with me. They don't feel like me anymore.

I've let go and I realized I was holding on because I was scared to start over from nothing. But sometimes that's exactly what you need.