Have you ever felt like your spending was out of control?

That's exactly how I felt in January. About 14 months ago my life turned into a whirlwind of a shit show. I had a ton of debt, my 10 year relationship ended out of the blue (seriously, I never saw it coming), in a month I had sold all of my stuff, broke my lease & moved home. I was BROKE.

I've never been that broke in my life & it was scary as shit. 

Luckily, my mom let me stay with her rent free, I got a job my second week back & I started signing clients again. After a couple months, my bank accounts were once again in the positive. I was able to start paying down my debt & I paid off my car. I even had extra money to go out.

It felt good to have money again. It felt even better that everything I wanted wasn't an automatic NO. So I started saying YES.

At first it was yes to things I needed. Clothes for winter. A hair cut. Car upkeep. Then it was things I had been putting off. New bras, good makeup, glasses, jeans. Finally it was random things. New kitchen gadgets, luggage, jewelry.

It got to the point where I was ordering so many things, I would get packages & have no idea what was in them. Even worse, I'd use it once then stick it in a pile & move onto the next thing.

I decided I needed to take a break from spending.

The first week was hard. Of course, as soon as I decided I wasn't buying, it seemed like everything went on sale ( I love a good sale). But, I didn't buy anything. 

It got easier pretty fast.

Instead of buying new things, I started using the things I already had. I read books that had been sitting on my Kindle for months. Using the masks & lotions that I'd forgotten I owned. I finished some of the courses I had bought, but never had the time to do. I meditated more.

I had more time. I never realized how much time I spent scrolling through websites searching for things to buy.

What I learned
I buy things...
To reward myself.
When I feel like crap.
Late at night when I'm bored
When I feel stuck.
Sometimes, just because it seems interesting.

Retail therapy at it's finest.

I was also reminded that when I'm not in such a hurry to buy things, I kick ass at manifesting them.

This month I wanted a pedicure & a couple days later my mom asked me to do a mani/pedi day her treat. I won a free oracle card reading from one of my favorite people. One of the courses I own released new free bonuses that helped me solve an issue I had been stuck on. I've had drinks & dinners bought for me. And I wasn't even trying.

Is there something you do that you're pretty sure is holding you back? Take a break from it & let me know how it goes.

I wasn't one of those fortunate people who knew exactly what she wanted.

The only think I KNEW was I couldn't keep living my life the way I was. I wasn't happy. I didn't know how to fix it. I felt stuck.

I needed a change, but a change to what?? That was a big question.

​Maybe you know exactly what you're working towards. If that's the case I'm thrilled for you! But if you're like me & aren't sure yet... I want you to know, THAT'S OK. You're not stuck.  

I promise you have a powerful place to start from. You have an idea of how you want to feel. You probably KNOW a lot of details. Start there. The rest will come to you.

You know the phrase “dress for the job you want”? It’s the same with creating the life you want.​ 

Be the version of you that already has those things.

Maybe you want calmer mornings. You want a boss you like. You want to be your own boss. You want to feel financially secure. You want to feel valued, loved, sexy, adventurous or centered. You want a couple close friends that you know you can count on. 

I bet you have parts of your life pictured. I'm so sure, I would never go to Target again if I'm wrong (Target is my happy place)

Start with the things you know you want & answer the following questions...

What does she do? Take chances, yoga, wash off her makeup EVERY night, eats better food, does creative work, work as part of a team or alone, Get her hair done at a salon, have a maid, go to dinner by herself, public speaking...

How does she think? Do setbacks discourage her, does she see opportunities, what stories does she tell herself.

How does she feel? Is she relaxed, confident, successful, centered, welcoming

How can you step into that version of you now? Say YES more, let people help you, try new things, practice being confident. What does she do that you can do now? What new stories can you begin telling yourself? What can you do that gives you those feelings?

The more you step into the version of You that already has those things, the easier it is to get them. You know what decisions are aligned with what you want. You put yourself in situations that allow opportunities to show up. You already believe you are worthy.