Stop Auditioning for a Life That Won’t Choose You (Healing Abandonment Wounds, Worthiness & the Fear of Choosing Yourself)

I watched Crime 101 this weekend.
Highly recommend.
Yes, it’s a heist movie. Yes, I love a good heist.


But I’m not here to talk about the robbery.
I want to talk about Halle Berry’s character.


She plays an insurance agent whose company keeps promising her partnership.
They dangle it.
They hint at it.
They almost give it to her.


But never actually do.


And I’ve been her.
Maybe you have too.

Doing Everything “Right” and Still Getting Passed OverYou give everything to the job.
To the relationship.
To the friendship.
To the dream.


You stay loyal.
You work your ass off.
You overdeliver.
You don’t complain.


Because we’re told that’s how you earn the life you want.


Be patient.
Be good.
Be indispensable.
Wait your turn.
And then…


They promote someone else.
They choose someone else.
They commit to someone else.
They give the opportunity to someone else.


Meanwhile you’re exhausted, overextended, and wondering what the hell you’re doing wrong.


If you’ve ever felt undervalued at work, overlooked in a relationship, or stuck waiting for someone to finally recognize your worth, this isn’t random.


And it’s not because you’re not good enough.

The Pattern No One Talks AboutI’m not saying you should say screw everyone and start a life of crime.


I am saying I understand the frustration of doing everything right and still getting screwed.


At some point you have to ask:
Why am I auditioning for a role in someone else’s story?


You can’t keep putting everyone else first and being a side character in your own life.
There comes a time, as terrifying as it is, where you have to make choices that put you first.
And no, that doesn’t mean burning everything to the ground.


It looks like:

• Starting the business
  
• Making the video
  
• Raising your rates
  
• Going on the date
  
• Ending the relationship
  
• Quitting the job that keeps promising “soon”
  
  
  

This is where fear shows up.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of abandonment.
Fear of not being chosen.
Fear of being “too much.”


Most people think they need more confidence.
What they actually need is healing.

My Story: Loyalty Didn’t Get Me PromotedWhen I moved back to MN, I had to get a job. I didn’t have the bandwidth to do healing yet. I needed stability. Money. Something solid.


Before that, I had always been loyal AF. I helped the businesses I worked for grow.


What it didn’t get me?
Promotions.
Raises.
Security.
What it did get me?
Empty promises.
“Just wait a little longer.”
“It’s not the right time.”
“Soon.”


If you’ve ever stayed somewhere too long hoping it would finally turn into what you were promised, you know that slow burn.


When I came back to MN, I did something different.
If I wasn’t being valued, I left.


Was it scary? Yes.
Was my nervous system thrilled about it? Absolutely not.


But it led me to places where I was valued.
It led me to better relationships that didn’t leave me burned out.
It led me to my highest income year ever, repeatedly.
It led me back to this work fully.


Those outcomes didn’t just happen because I made bold choices.
They happened because I healed the parts of me that were afraid to make them.

Why You Keep Overgiving (And Getting Passed Over)
When you have abandonment wounds, you overperform so you won’t be left.
When you have worthiness wounds, you try to earn what should be mutual.
When you struggle with boundaries, you overextend and hope someone notices.
When you have money blocks, you stay underpaid because asking for more feels dangerous.

We never have just one wound.
We’ve been collecting them our entire lives.


And if those wounds are running the show, you’ll keep:

• Staying too long
  
• Accepting less
  
• Waiting for validation
  
• Hoping someone finally chooses you
  
  
  

Even when it’s slowly draining you.

Choosing Yourself Without Burning Everything Down
Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you become ruthless.
It doesn’t mean you torch every relationship or quit impulsively.


It means you stop betraying yourself to stay comfortable.
It means you make the scary but clean decision.
It means you stop auditioning.


Because here’s the truth:
No promotion, relationship, or opportunity will fix the part of you that doesn’t believe you’re worthy of being chosen.


That part has to be healed.


When you clear abandonment, worthiness issues, boundary wounds, and money blocks, something shifts.


You don’t cling.
You don’t beg.
You don’t wait.


You decide.


And if your system freaks out every time you even think about putting yourself first?
That’s not weakness.
That’s stored memory.
And memory can be cleared.
​

You don’t need to blow up your life.
But you do need to stop waiting for someone else to finally choose you.
At some point, you choose yourself.

it's time to Take back your life